I left you all around 2:30am earth time, thinking I was done. I stumbled down my rabbit hole in a silent journey, a solitary waltz through transcendent illuminant faery woods. Guided by my sense of fearlessness, drowning out any scary sound or shadow.
It’s not real, you’re brave, you’re strong.
After a fierce battle with the bathrooms space time flux, alternating between realities, all the while pissing out my heart, soul and every last ounce of chi….or so I would have thought.
I found my way to my tent, or rather jumped in to its small opening because gods help me it WAS getting smaller.
It’s 3 am and I’m wide awake, perhaps? I can hear music. Good, the parties started again, now no one will bother me for a while. Lets explore my vast wasteland of a mind.
It’s quarter after 3 and I’m fucking swimming, yeah I know I’m in my tent, but logic aside, I’m swimming. Kicking my feet, gliding through the great ocean of Mya, I arrive at my first destination, which is actually going to become a grounding point for me from now on. If I get too lost please return me to level one, home base.
An indian palace, with hanging scarves and billowing saris swaying in the wind in the supposed hot indian night.
Pretty dancing ladies, ooh a harem? for me? How keen. So as much as I’d like to stay here with my scarves, my women and my gods, I’m being pulled away. Maybe I could sleep now? No? Didn’t think so.
As grateful as I am to ganesh and all his colours I float away from my palace…. no wait…still swimming.
It’s becoming increasing evident that sleep is an illusive bitch, and that when she does come it will be a surprise, like a baseball bat. OUCH! Zzzzzzzzz….
Where is Cherie? I’m so glad to trip by myself. Although I may be swimming in a majestic sparkle sea in reality I’m pretty sure I’m mumbling and undulating on my yoga mat like a possessed maggot. I would most certainly scare that poor girl. Solitude is welcome.
More traveling, more sleep hunting. Suddenly it occurs to me that another bathroom journey is mandatory, no no no you can not pee in a cup, even if you had one your hand eye coordination would betray you I am quite sure.
My ears are swirling, okay lets go.
Is the sun coming up? Everything seems to be glowing slightly, it’s helpful whatever it is.
I’ve made it to the bathroom, EGO even when high is far too large, will NOT piss on myself, I WILL stay put in this reality if only for a moment while I do my business.
Suddenly a wave of fear hits me like a brick. Oh….my….god…. Am I peeing in my tent? No, no you arent, daft cow. Still in the toilet which happens to be conveniently located on a space time continuum.
Flip flopping between alternate realities, little worlds being forgotten as fast as they’re being made up, all the while fumbling to find toilet paper.
I AM TRIUMPHANT!!!!
Again dodging the fear and shadows, I stay to the path. I remember in all the myths and faerie tales they always tell them to stick to the path, and the stupid fuckers never do, then they are lost, maybe even forever. Not me though, I am on a mission, and it requires me back at home base, Arabic palace…Indian..whatever.
I’m home and sleep is seeming a little less like something I made up once. In fact after flip flopping for another couple minutes? Hours? Years? I finally fall asleep. I know I’m asleep because everything just shuts the hell up and lets me be. Those pestering colours and squiggles finally subside, collapsed in to nothing, a beautiful black hole, no anything, no movement, no colour, no smell, taste, feel….just nothing… this is how I know I’m really asleep.
9am rolls around, I’m up, still slightly high, maybe a little more than slightly. I’m grounded now though, in whatever reality I’ve crash landed in.
Tumbling between madness and sobriety I realize that I am disgustingly filthy, so repulsive and vulgar, this is unacceptable.
Also unacceptable is still being fucking high!
I have a cunning plan! I grab my towel and change in to shorts and run, possibly fly to the lake determined to be not so gross…
SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
Fuuuuuck it’s cccccccccold, but lovely none the less. I bath on the side of the lake. Motel 6 shampoo with added conditioner.
I feel better, and that brings me to now. Slightly damp and much much cleaner, sipping tea and trying not to let my tongue eat its self.
Stay here Mya, we’re done for today, put down the pen before it’s too late.
written august 7th 2009…. after a long night.
Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it. The opposite of death, life and love are one in the same, indifference.
To live life souly as an individual being, we are in a constant state of decline, the past increases, the future recedes. To live life as a whole, as a community we are in constant growth and just about as immortal as we will ever be.
Loneliness stands cold, locked outside my home. Leering through my window. Depression tries over and over again, despite failed attempts to hold my hand.Acknowledged but powerless, my negative aspects twitch with frustration.
I’ll never be rid of you, you’re a part of me, you’re part of the universal and personal balance, and I accept that…. but never ever again will I let you own me.
“i should go forth on the shortest walk perchance, in the spirit of undying adventure, never to return, – prepared to send back an embalmed heart only as a relic to our desolate kingdoms”
and up on this adventure, in which ill so willingly embark, paths shall pave themselves before my eyes, dissolving in dust behind me. leaving nothing in my wake but a sparkling memory. blind profit eyes follow my every move, judging with unquenchablde delight.
The hardest of hearts landed with all the grace of a stone feather, dusting myself off and journeying deeper through the walls I’ve built, not by hand but by stubborn will, now disintegrating much like the ground beneath me.
Face to face I came, with a woman of whom I knew better than any other.
“My dear you think too many thoughts” me said to I, or perhaps I said to me “an over consideration of contrived cognition”
“My pet you fret too often” she uttered from my lips.
“My Dove you mustent look at life with such intensity, you must rule the kingdome of your mind, not be enslaved by it” Were me’s final words before I vanished again, thrust in to another sea of thought, but this was my own abundance, and here I ruled Queen…………
